so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
