i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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