My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
