a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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