I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
