Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
