Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The best revenge is premature balding
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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