she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
