she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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