You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
