I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this will be a night to untag.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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