I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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