No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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