mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
