Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize