Yo dont text me then not text me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
