while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
