Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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