Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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