I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize