I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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