i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
