Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
