I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's like iHOP with fire
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
