Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
