Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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