I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
