You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
