i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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