I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
