i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
