Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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