i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
