she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
