my vag is so smooth its legendary
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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