Can i not drive my cunt home
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
