Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
