Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
