I wish I only lived at night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
