so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
