He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
