Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
