Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
