no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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