This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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