I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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