if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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