his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
