fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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