like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize