do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
