Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
