My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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