what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
