There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
