i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
