I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
