I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize