My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
