I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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