Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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