Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
