I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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