the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
